Last night, after painting for hours and quilting for hours and waiting in a car for a kid's activity to end, and then hours of TV, I went upstairs, and fell into bed. The feel of the sheets, the weight of the quilts, the rumpled pillows---wonderful.
I lay their in the dark, the coolness of the sheets a contrast to the softness of the quilts, the sound of the wind made a lullaby. I was no longer on the edge of old. I was once again a child, and with that soft and gentle memory I drifted off.
Some people might ask "what kind of mattress?", "what was the thread count of the sheets?" "What did you take?". But the answer is much simpler, I turned the thermostat down two hours before bedtime. When I was a child, winter in the bedroom was cold. Quilts were a joy. Bedtime was a time of feeling your own body-heat make a tiny space of comfort.
We are currently in a time of---something? I know I feel asleep for a few years and woke up to find that equality in this country of no class systems was no longer a given. I'm not sure it ever was, but think that maybe I was just born at a strange spot in history when the middle-class was at its strongest and personal delusional systems were at an all time high. I can no longer pretend, and when I hear the loyal patriotism, the repetition of meaningless platitudes and the Pollyanna preaching of "be positive you're just being negative, everything is fine", I yearn for my old bedroom in the winter, my tiny den of warmth and safety.
Childhood should feel safe and most parents manage a semblance of safe-feelings for their children. It isn't that hard, the little tykes have nothing to compare it to. Live a few decades, discover the powerlessness of parents with little money---translation to American--no power, of being that parent, of being the grandparent that is the safety net even though the entire net is made of plastic, high-interest plastic at that--and moments of comfort are truly rare. Secure, well-adjusted children are a miracle.
The schools still try to make good little citizens, teaching patriotism--"this is the greatest country in the world, be proud to be here taking advantage of the many opportunities" "you can do anything you set your mind to" "work hard" " participate in the democratic process". I wish they would just focus on teaching them to use their minds, to think, to investigate, to make a plan and carry it out. Our public schools are not for the children, but for the machine that is our country.
First, how long since we were #1 in anything that was important. We are geographically the fourth largest nation in the world. We have the largest economy--but what does that mean. We have the highest mean (average) personal income, but the second highest median personal income, so we have some really rich citizens, the problem being we don't have a lot of those rich citizens. We have the most productive workers in the world! Wow! Are they well paid? Well they aren't working in sweat shops, but who thought that made motivated and productive workers? It has the 4th most unequally distributed wealth in the world. So the teachers have us working hard, but it doesn't sound like very many of them really get to be Successful. Oh, and we are #1 in military spending. Good job teaching patriotism!
Participating in the democratic process is more difficult. We can all vote, unless we are felons. But our vote is really more of a suggestion to the electorate. We aren't a democracy, we are a republic. Greece was a republic. Citizens voted. Women were not voters. 2nd class peoples weren't voters. Some things really don't change. We are a nation of pretenders. "we are all equal" "We don't have a ruling class" "Everyone has the same opportunity". "this is the greatest nation in the world".
I think it has a good ideal; was built with nice principles.
I think that many of the founding fathers were very idealistic. But I have to wonder what the focus is in those schools that teach the children of our current ruling class. Somehow, I can't see such platitudes meaning anything to children who already get an allowance bigger than our full-time minimum wage earners and last I checked, these kids weren't going to the military unless they start with rank.
So I am thankful for a cold bed with quilts, my comfort, my memories of feeling safe and snug. I can only hope that those children out there with cold beds also find comfort and dream of a world where they are safe and warm and able to be anything they put their minds to.
Sometimes Dream-time is the best times we have.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Saturday, January 11, 2014
IT SNOWED!
I was not expecting snow, but hadn't checked the weather all week. The night was noisy; fascia rumbling in the wind, attic turbines whirring, whistling eaves, jangling chimes, 1 cat snoring, another one sneezing, but of all those sounds, no sound of snow falling.
The world is quiet, now. Snow seems to absorb all the sound and with no cars moving outside, it is like being alone in the world. Just me and my heater.
If you check the internet there are arguments about global warming although why that starts every time it snows is bizarre. The "nothing has changed" crew apparently thinks it is proof of something. All those firsts in recorded history; tsunami's that wipe out populated coasts, hurricanes, massive tornadoes, none of that proves anything, but snow is proof.
In geologic eras, neither are really proof of anything. If you are a animal that is currently adapting to living in an urban jungle instead of becoming extinct, you probably think the idea of humans changing the earth is pretty believable. The population of the planet hit 1 billion about 1800. It had doubled to 2 billion by 1927 and doubled again by 1974. But in the last 12 years we have added another billion, bringing us to 7 billion. A billion in 12 years vs. a billion in 123 years. It is estimated that it will take 200 years to reach 14 billion, but that is if we continue to have declining growth rates. In other words, if nothing changes in the next 200 years.
When I was a child, it was reported on the TV that by 2000, we would all have a life expectancy of 100 years. (I realize we also expected to be flying along the highways in flying cars and vacationing on Mars) Expectations stated now are about 75 for men and 80 for women. In 1960 it was 68 for men and 73 for women in the U.S. Between then and now, we have had multiple wars. We have HIV, and Hepatitis C. We have drugs that don't just make you feel good, they make you old in a pretty short time. We have drug-resistant bacteria, terrorism, WMD, germ warfare, chemical weapons, and a whole lot of organized crime. None of those increase life expectancy.
We will still have people that make it to 100. I have pictures of three different relatives that became centenarians. All of them died before 1940. The government in this fine country is predicting very regularly that the baby boomers will bankrupt social security. Too many old people getting pay-outs at the same time. No one griped that too many young baby boomers were paying in at the same time, and no one is pointing out that the baby boomers are not really racing to 100. They have done a lot; first generation to make alcohol be NOT their ONLY drug of choice, first generation to get HIV from needles, and Hep. C. from needles and don't forget that weird time when we didn't know about either, so we passed out both viruses in the blood supply. First generation to never go to war (when did we last have a war in this country?) but die in the military at the hands of the enemy(think police action, its only a dream), first since penicillin to die of sepsis despite antibiotics. Between that and the environmental changes and the healthcare inadequacies, they might be the first to not have any centenarians. We won't know that until 2040.
But today, there is no global warming and the world is soft and quiet.
The world is quiet, now. Snow seems to absorb all the sound and with no cars moving outside, it is like being alone in the world. Just me and my heater.
If you check the internet there are arguments about global warming although why that starts every time it snows is bizarre. The "nothing has changed" crew apparently thinks it is proof of something. All those firsts in recorded history; tsunami's that wipe out populated coasts, hurricanes, massive tornadoes, none of that proves anything, but snow is proof.
In geologic eras, neither are really proof of anything. If you are a animal that is currently adapting to living in an urban jungle instead of becoming extinct, you probably think the idea of humans changing the earth is pretty believable. The population of the planet hit 1 billion about 1800. It had doubled to 2 billion by 1927 and doubled again by 1974. But in the last 12 years we have added another billion, bringing us to 7 billion. A billion in 12 years vs. a billion in 123 years. It is estimated that it will take 200 years to reach 14 billion, but that is if we continue to have declining growth rates. In other words, if nothing changes in the next 200 years.
When I was a child, it was reported on the TV that by 2000, we would all have a life expectancy of 100 years. (I realize we also expected to be flying along the highways in flying cars and vacationing on Mars) Expectations stated now are about 75 for men and 80 for women. In 1960 it was 68 for men and 73 for women in the U.S. Between then and now, we have had multiple wars. We have HIV, and Hepatitis C. We have drugs that don't just make you feel good, they make you old in a pretty short time. We have drug-resistant bacteria, terrorism, WMD, germ warfare, chemical weapons, and a whole lot of organized crime. None of those increase life expectancy.
We will still have people that make it to 100. I have pictures of three different relatives that became centenarians. All of them died before 1940. The government in this fine country is predicting very regularly that the baby boomers will bankrupt social security. Too many old people getting pay-outs at the same time. No one griped that too many young baby boomers were paying in at the same time, and no one is pointing out that the baby boomers are not really racing to 100. They have done a lot; first generation to make alcohol be NOT their ONLY drug of choice, first generation to get HIV from needles, and Hep. C. from needles and don't forget that weird time when we didn't know about either, so we passed out both viruses in the blood supply. First generation to never go to war (when did we last have a war in this country?) but die in the military at the hands of the enemy(think police action, its only a dream), first since penicillin to die of sepsis despite antibiotics. Between that and the environmental changes and the healthcare inadequacies, they might be the first to not have any centenarians. We won't know that until 2040.
But today, there is no global warming and the world is soft and quiet.
Sitting here with a cold on my vacation.
I'm sitting here at the computer writing this with a head cold, drinking hot tea, blowing my nose, wondering how I would feel if this cold was the flu and not just a cold. My symptoms are a bit of fever, some chills, a cough, sore throat, runny nose, achiness, headache, tiredness, slight nausea(assume from the snot running down the back of my throat.
Below is what the CDC says are the symptoms of the flu.
Influenza Symptoms
Influenza (also known as the flu) is a contagious respiratory illness caused by flu viruses. It can cause mild to severe illness, and at times can lead to death. The flu is different from a cold. The flu usually comes on suddenly. People who have the flu often feel some or all of these symptoms:
- Fever* or feeling feverish/chills
- Cough
- Sore throat
- Runny or stuffy nose
- Muscle or body aches
- Headaches
- Fatigue (tiredness)
- Some people may have vomiting and diarrhea, though this is more common in children than adults.
* It's important to note that not everyone with flu will have a fever.
I am not terribly pacified by this. But am also not terribly sick, just feel crappy, not like I'm dying.
This years Flu Vaccine (the trivalent one) contained the H1N1, H3N2 variants of influenza A and an unspecified influenza B. If you received the Quadrivalent, you also got a second unspecified influenza B. The Shots are supposed to be about 86% effective against the strains that they are against. This year we got lucky and it is the H1N1, so the shot could help.
In addition to the flu, there are many, many, many viruses that present with the same symptoms. The only way to know if you actually have the flu is to be tested for the flu. This is almost always done by nasal swab. If you have been told you had the flu, but were not swabbed for the flu, they were guessing. Also, many people, just like me will assume that they have a cold, or another virus and stay home treating the symptoms and never know if they had the flu.
As far as treating the flu, there is Tamiflu. If you start taking it when your first symptoms start, it can make you have a much lessened illness. I don't know if they test for the flu before doing that, but a lot of it is prescribed every flu season.
It is known that the vaccine is less effective on people with poor immune systems, children under 2, the elderly, and people with chronic illnesses. That is the same group that gets the most sick when they get the flu so also the group targeted to get the vaccine. It is all very statistical.
What is not mentioned is the concerns by those studying rheumatological illnesses that think all the vaccines might be increasing autoimmune disorders. Or those that think that a year of testing (or less) might not guarantee that the new vaccine won't cause long-down-the-road side effects that we know nothing about, or that it is possibly a huge government conspiracy being used to create mutations, shorten life-spans, (choose your own horrible plan and place it here). I tend to stay away from the huge conspiracy things since we have a hard enough time maintaining secrets and carrying out complicated plans with things like military secrets/utility bill changes aimed at helping the wealthy on the heads of the poor.
I didn't get a flu shot. I may have to before I retire because I work in the healthcare industry. I don't want one, I'm not trusting, and have always thought that reality is, I can only die once. I wish we could find a way to cure flu if someone gets it. But until we come up with a way to improve healthcare, make it more consistently good, more consistently caring, more patient-centered, I'm going to just drink my hot tea and rub on some Vicks and read a good book.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Waiting for the chili to simmer...happy new year!
Its January 1st. The 57th of my life. Another chance to resolve to do better, to make promises to myself, to change, and ultimately many of the same resolutions will appear the next year. I don't actually feel much guilt over this. Either they are not realistic or I don't care about them that much or they are more than 1 year goals.
Some of the resolutions that are not back on the board:
1) Getting back to my weight at 16. I saw a woman a few years back that walked constantly. She was in her 70's, had dementia, and had apparently been an exercise and fitness (chose your noun here) since puberty. Her family made sure her hair was always a perfect blonde and her clothes were high-end athletic. Walking behind her, you would have sworn she was young and healthy, but when she turned around, even with the plastics and night creams, she was a lost and confused elderly woman. That disturbed me the first time, but made me think about my life--and all life. What is really important.
2) Saving enough money for a good retirement. (too late, I want to retire, prefer not to be working at a job I don't feel inspired by up until the last hour of my life, but saving is not my answer, I'll have to find a way to budget myself and make some money off the many things I do love to do)
3) Write the great American novel. (I'm going to settle for journaling and this blog which has been opened 213 times but may or may not have ever been read. It makes me think maybe I will look like a crone from the back, but I will still be capable of a conversation)
4) Become a famous artist. (I've already sold more paintings than Van Gogh and still have both ears, that is a kind of joke if you know his life). I have asked the people that I have given paintings to NOT to put them in garage sales. Every time a see a painting in a garage sale with a price that covers the frame at a bargain price it makes me think of puppies and kittens dumped by the side of the road. I must admit I have gotten some great frames that way.)
5)Win the lottery (I'm lying, that is still on the list--hope springs eternal)
The real list this year is to keep me "making". Paint a painting a month. Draw daily. Write daily. Blog weekly. Take a photograph every day (new camera). Finish painting the house (that one is always on there and always will be-I can out-procrastinate any paint guarantee, I seem.)
The list goes on, reading more like a to do list. I hang it where I can see it, then manage to avoid reading it for weeks at a time.
Every time I read it I do feel inspired to do something on it.
Because I have to be doing... always doing.
Maybe its because I'm in that stage of life that focuses on productivity.
Maybe doing keeps me from running through the street screaming that the sky is falling. I don't know, but the Chili is simmering. It may need more seasoning. Guess its time to finish making that.
Some of the resolutions that are not back on the board:
1) Getting back to my weight at 16. I saw a woman a few years back that walked constantly. She was in her 70's, had dementia, and had apparently been an exercise and fitness (chose your noun here) since puberty. Her family made sure her hair was always a perfect blonde and her clothes were high-end athletic. Walking behind her, you would have sworn she was young and healthy, but when she turned around, even with the plastics and night creams, she was a lost and confused elderly woman. That disturbed me the first time, but made me think about my life--and all life. What is really important.
2) Saving enough money for a good retirement. (too late, I want to retire, prefer not to be working at a job I don't feel inspired by up until the last hour of my life, but saving is not my answer, I'll have to find a way to budget myself and make some money off the many things I do love to do)
3) Write the great American novel. (I'm going to settle for journaling and this blog which has been opened 213 times but may or may not have ever been read. It makes me think maybe I will look like a crone from the back, but I will still be capable of a conversation)
4) Become a famous artist. (I've already sold more paintings than Van Gogh and still have both ears, that is a kind of joke if you know his life). I have asked the people that I have given paintings to NOT to put them in garage sales. Every time a see a painting in a garage sale with a price that covers the frame at a bargain price it makes me think of puppies and kittens dumped by the side of the road. I must admit I have gotten some great frames that way.)
5)Win the lottery (I'm lying, that is still on the list--hope springs eternal)
The real list this year is to keep me "making". Paint a painting a month. Draw daily. Write daily. Blog weekly. Take a photograph every day (new camera). Finish painting the house (that one is always on there and always will be-I can out-procrastinate any paint guarantee, I seem.)
The list goes on, reading more like a to do list. I hang it where I can see it, then manage to avoid reading it for weeks at a time.
Every time I read it I do feel inspired to do something on it.
Because I have to be doing... always doing.
Maybe its because I'm in that stage of life that focuses on productivity.
Maybe doing keeps me from running through the street screaming that the sky is falling. I don't know, but the Chili is simmering. It may need more seasoning. Guess its time to finish making that.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Thoughts on Christmas morning.
For millions and millions of us in the US of A, it is time to be awoken by screaming, giggling children that can't wait to rush in under the tree and see what Santa brought them. I loved that as a child and had many short of sleep christmas mornings with my own children. It is child-dependent thing to do and I expect that my own children are currently rubbing the sleep out of their own eyes so they can watch children rip open gifts and throw new clothes to the side so they can play with whatever toy has caught their eye.
For some of us without kids in the house, Christmas morning can be more of a free-time. Other people go to great lengths to be somewhere besides alone on that morning. Some decide to sleep late or sign up to work or bake some more cookies to take to the family meal.
I had always considered Christmas to be universal, but with roughly 1/3 of the worlds population (about 2.1 billion people) being Christian, that means that 2/3 of the world are probably not celebrating Christmas. And very few cultures celebrate it the way it is commonly celebrated in this country. If you add in the people celebrating the Winter Solstice (about 3.6 billion that includes those following Hinduism, tribal, Buddhist, Neopagan and Zoroastrians, then we are almost 70%, add Hanukkah, Chalica, and we are still about 70% (that would be two religions that total less than a million between them). Add Kwanzaa and the many people that do not consider themselves to have a religion but that enjoy a good celebration as well as the next person and we have about 80% of the world celebrating something this week. Jehovah's witnesses don't do holidays and the 21% of the population that is Islamic are all that are not officially in holiday mode.
Its no wonder that so much of this countries retail income is from this month. Many of these celebrations involve gifting. Almost all holidays involve feasting. Having a good time is good for the economy.
But is there a universal theme for this season? In the northern hemisphere it is cold, the harvest is done, the calendar year is nearing the end, so what is it about?
Perhaps they do all share a theme.
Hope.
Peace on Earth.
Love for our fellow man.
Respect and Happiness for our family.
A celebration of life, of still being alive and able to enjoy our loved ones.
What do we humans celebrate? What do we ALL celebrate? I think it might be hope for a better future, happiness for our descendants, a continuation of the goodness that can be such a human trait when we are not scrabbling and clamoring in our day to day lives.
Happy Holidays!
For some of us without kids in the house, Christmas morning can be more of a free-time. Other people go to great lengths to be somewhere besides alone on that morning. Some decide to sleep late or sign up to work or bake some more cookies to take to the family meal.
I had always considered Christmas to be universal, but with roughly 1/3 of the worlds population (about 2.1 billion people) being Christian, that means that 2/3 of the world are probably not celebrating Christmas. And very few cultures celebrate it the way it is commonly celebrated in this country. If you add in the people celebrating the Winter Solstice (about 3.6 billion that includes those following Hinduism, tribal, Buddhist, Neopagan and Zoroastrians, then we are almost 70%, add Hanukkah, Chalica, and we are still about 70% (that would be two religions that total less than a million between them). Add Kwanzaa and the many people that do not consider themselves to have a religion but that enjoy a good celebration as well as the next person and we have about 80% of the world celebrating something this week. Jehovah's witnesses don't do holidays and the 21% of the population that is Islamic are all that are not officially in holiday mode.
Its no wonder that so much of this countries retail income is from this month. Many of these celebrations involve gifting. Almost all holidays involve feasting. Having a good time is good for the economy.
But is there a universal theme for this season? In the northern hemisphere it is cold, the harvest is done, the calendar year is nearing the end, so what is it about?
Perhaps they do all share a theme.
Hope.
Peace on Earth.
Love for our fellow man.
Respect and Happiness for our family.
A celebration of life, of still being alive and able to enjoy our loved ones.
What do we humans celebrate? What do we ALL celebrate? I think it might be hope for a better future, happiness for our descendants, a continuation of the goodness that can be such a human trait when we are not scrabbling and clamoring in our day to day lives.
Happy Holidays!
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Marriage advice (from the chronically divorced)
I used to be married, but the last quarter of a century has been post-divorce. I have definitely been divorced much longer than I was married. I have about a half a cup more reason to give marriage advice than a celibate clergy member.
On the other hand, I have definite experience with what won't make a marriage work.
Women quite openly and men more occultly seek the white picket fence ideal. It may be dressed up to look like a mansion or down to look like it is not so traditional as the parents' sad life, but it is pretty universal in this culture. Gay people are fighting for it, people that came from cultures in which marriage is arranged and about something totally different than our culture's marriage ideal, fight for it against traditional parents and with threat to personal well-being.
Unfortunately, while I've seen it in movies, and sitcoms love it, I can't say I have ever seen the real thing.
What happens when two people with that ideal for themselves decide to marry? They make the plans, they tie the knot, they start the family, and never get to know each other; the plan--the ideal, is more real than the other person.
Suddenly they are trying to force each other into the mold, she is supposed to suddenly love doing nothing more than watching children and cooking for the man and keeping the house clean. These days that does not involve being a stay-at-home mom except for the very well-paid husband. More usually it is in addition to at least one and sometimes two jobs.
Its as if that wedding ring was supposed to eliminate all of her but the part that the man needed for his ideal.
The woman is no less guilty of not recognizing the individuality of her new husband. She is now expecting him to support her every want and need, to help around the house, romance her and tell her daily how amazing she is. All that stuff he did for fun with his buddies is over, he is a husband now.
A few marriages can live like this for a bit, but few can maintain after the birth of a child. Babies are exhausting. Pregnancy is body-image changing, and while some men find their pregnant wife beautiful and sexy the whole time, others are terrified of all those changes. The woman is also pretty terrified and insecure and those hormones are definitely not making anyone feel more stable. By the birth, (a beautiful and absolutely horror-show event) the whole ideal is starting to look a little ragged.
Then starts the reality. Can he maintain helpfulness so they both get to sleep, or is it all on her? Can she communicate what she needs in a loving manner or is it time to call names and make threats? Does he start sounding like he was raised by an angry stand-up comedian? Does she realize she sounds just like her mother? Have they both yelled "I hate you" at each other repeatedly? Has it come to blows or are they both calling the hair-pulling and pushing and throwing stuff "normal"?
Why is this pretty predictable? Because we don't ever tell our children that roles are not people. People do not cease to exist when they take on a role. And trying to force the other person to be the role you expect is not possible. People can play-act for a while. We know that from the peacock suits that people wear to find a mate. More than a few frogs and frogettes have maintained good hygiene, nice clothes and kindly dispositions long enough to find a mate, but they don't maintain that. If you doubt that, shop at Walmart between ten at night and 3:00am on Saturday night.
Perhaps its time to pull down the white picket fence. Marriage might offer great tax breaks, but all that role expectation only leads to high divorce rates, disappointment in ourselves when we can't force ourselves into those roles successfully and happily, and a lot of wasted money on white satin and floral arrangements.
Wedding pictures, while beautiful are as often found in the garage in a Rubbermaid as they are on the coffee table. We shake our heads and tsktsk when a baby is involved in a divorce, but is being raised by two separate but sane people really worse than being raised in a house of name-calling, hatred, violence and escape using drugs and alcohol?
Our statistics say "yes, its worse", but I don't know how that was determined, and frankly, as long as divorced people or single people with children are seen as inferior as parents, the stigma will influence that.
I have always wondered how a child born outside of marriage has any less worth than a child born within a marriage. The dominant culture in this country loves to put down cultures that stone women that have sex out of marriage and write poignant TV shows about the trials of children born to rape victims, but those things are culture, not truth.
Every child born is amazing and should not have to feel any shame for how they were conceived.
Marriage, should be a personal choice that does not involve the subordination of either person's basic personality.
Roles suck---if a woman and man find that she likes to cook and he likes to clean---cool beans. If she hates all that but makes a butt-load of money, eat out or if he likes cooking, great.
It isn't about what the other person has to do to meet my needs, its about enjoying life together.
What is my advice, the one bit of advice found in every religion and philosophy--treat others like you want to be treated. (sadists and masochists excluded)
On the other hand, I have definite experience with what won't make a marriage work.
Women quite openly and men more occultly seek the white picket fence ideal. It may be dressed up to look like a mansion or down to look like it is not so traditional as the parents' sad life, but it is pretty universal in this culture. Gay people are fighting for it, people that came from cultures in which marriage is arranged and about something totally different than our culture's marriage ideal, fight for it against traditional parents and with threat to personal well-being.
Unfortunately, while I've seen it in movies, and sitcoms love it, I can't say I have ever seen the real thing.
What happens when two people with that ideal for themselves decide to marry? They make the plans, they tie the knot, they start the family, and never get to know each other; the plan--the ideal, is more real than the other person.
Suddenly they are trying to force each other into the mold, she is supposed to suddenly love doing nothing more than watching children and cooking for the man and keeping the house clean. These days that does not involve being a stay-at-home mom except for the very well-paid husband. More usually it is in addition to at least one and sometimes two jobs.
Its as if that wedding ring was supposed to eliminate all of her but the part that the man needed for his ideal.
The woman is no less guilty of not recognizing the individuality of her new husband. She is now expecting him to support her every want and need, to help around the house, romance her and tell her daily how amazing she is. All that stuff he did for fun with his buddies is over, he is a husband now.
A few marriages can live like this for a bit, but few can maintain after the birth of a child. Babies are exhausting. Pregnancy is body-image changing, and while some men find their pregnant wife beautiful and sexy the whole time, others are terrified of all those changes. The woman is also pretty terrified and insecure and those hormones are definitely not making anyone feel more stable. By the birth, (a beautiful and absolutely horror-show event) the whole ideal is starting to look a little ragged.
Then starts the reality. Can he maintain helpfulness so they both get to sleep, or is it all on her? Can she communicate what she needs in a loving manner or is it time to call names and make threats? Does he start sounding like he was raised by an angry stand-up comedian? Does she realize she sounds just like her mother? Have they both yelled "I hate you" at each other repeatedly? Has it come to blows or are they both calling the hair-pulling and pushing and throwing stuff "normal"?
Why is this pretty predictable? Because we don't ever tell our children that roles are not people. People do not cease to exist when they take on a role. And trying to force the other person to be the role you expect is not possible. People can play-act for a while. We know that from the peacock suits that people wear to find a mate. More than a few frogs and frogettes have maintained good hygiene, nice clothes and kindly dispositions long enough to find a mate, but they don't maintain that. If you doubt that, shop at Walmart between ten at night and 3:00am on Saturday night.
Perhaps its time to pull down the white picket fence. Marriage might offer great tax breaks, but all that role expectation only leads to high divorce rates, disappointment in ourselves when we can't force ourselves into those roles successfully and happily, and a lot of wasted money on white satin and floral arrangements.
Wedding pictures, while beautiful are as often found in the garage in a Rubbermaid as they are on the coffee table. We shake our heads and tsktsk when a baby is involved in a divorce, but is being raised by two separate but sane people really worse than being raised in a house of name-calling, hatred, violence and escape using drugs and alcohol?
Our statistics say "yes, its worse", but I don't know how that was determined, and frankly, as long as divorced people or single people with children are seen as inferior as parents, the stigma will influence that.
I have always wondered how a child born outside of marriage has any less worth than a child born within a marriage. The dominant culture in this country loves to put down cultures that stone women that have sex out of marriage and write poignant TV shows about the trials of children born to rape victims, but those things are culture, not truth.
Every child born is amazing and should not have to feel any shame for how they were conceived.
Marriage, should be a personal choice that does not involve the subordination of either person's basic personality.
Roles suck---if a woman and man find that she likes to cook and he likes to clean---cool beans. If she hates all that but makes a butt-load of money, eat out or if he likes cooking, great.
It isn't about what the other person has to do to meet my needs, its about enjoying life together.
What is my advice, the one bit of advice found in every religion and philosophy--treat others like you want to be treated. (sadists and masochists excluded)
Saturday, November 9, 2013
The Sears Christmas Catalog
I tried to cancelled Christmas this year. I told my relatives I usually buy for that my Christmas to them was the money they would have spent on my gift. Amazingly, we all rapidly decided that gifts for 4 small children was to be the extent of our gift sharing. We would get together, eat food, talk, watch our 4 little children open their gifts and wish each other goodwill and happiness, etc.
For the next few days I felt as if I had won the lottery or paid off my mortgage, then I realized it was just relief at not having to find a dozen gifts that would be not well liked and not worth much less than the ones given to me by their recipients. I wasn't going to have to increase my credit card debt, because the conversation among the parents of those 4 young children consisted of "I looked in his/her room and am going to have to clear out a bunch of toys to make room for this years Christmas gifts" They were talking among themselves about taking the money they usually spent and putting it toward a family vacation, (I'll stay home and watch the house/dogs/cats/plants, that is a movie I have lived, I t-shirt I already own) The oldest grandchild was insisting in no uncertain terms that she only wanted specific clothes items, no toys because she felt sad for the toys that didn't get enough attention.
Christmas is such a tradition, a tie to childhood, I wasn't sure whether to be elated or devastated so I decided to examine the memories. And yes, the "buy more every year" was started by my own parents, and continued throughout their lives and was taken up by my sister and I. By last year, it bore little resemblance to those mornings of my childhood when the tree seemed to be exploding with gifts. Old pictures confirm that what seemed alot, was 2 stockings and a bunch(probably 5) of cheap unwrapped toys from Santa and 1 big gift each. There was usually only 2 gifts for each of my parents, one to each other, one from the kids--jointly given. If more, it was homemade and not from an expensive kit. The extended family was even smaller, each child receiving 3 gifts--one from each nuclear family, and that was ended when one branch had a population explosion and changed from name drawing to just a meal, to an annual Christmas Card to those you still had an address for.
Last year, at the extended family event that my sister and I have continued since our children grew up and started their own, there was a ring extending out 6 feet from the edge of the tree and all the gifts were bagged up in in multiples to keep it simpler. I received 20 gifts. I spent way beyond my means, felt great concern that I didn't give enough, and that no one liked their gifts and that I would never pay off the credit debt before next year rolled around..
I did a little research and discovered that the huge Christmas gifts on Christmas morning was not very common. Rich Victorian children got some things, farm kids might get a box of crayons or a new homemade dress or doll. Poor kids hoped for a piece of candy and some fruit and nuts. By the depression, whatever had been passing as a tradition was decreased to a tree and homemade whatever.
So why did we think that way? When did we decide that we needed to have more of everything for Christmas for it to be a happy holiday?
At the arrival of the annual Sears Christmas catalog. The last one I saw was called the Wish Book---how magical is that.
When it arrived in the fall we would each spend time with it. We would make lists of toys and clothes and shoes and foods that would make our lives perfect and fill our hearts with joy. We would present our lists and be told to mark the top 2 or three, then spend more time with the catalog trying to decide what was the most important.
Amazingly, we never knew we needed most of the stuff on our lists until the catalog arrived.
By the 1980's, the number of utterly amazing Christmas catalogs was uncountable. So much stuff, so little time. As an adult I knew there was no one that could afford to give me most of it, but the memories of the avarice and acquisitiveness was fond. It was like the treasure-finding dream...and the 80's were by their nature avaricious and acquisitive; the profession of choice was entrepreneur, the shows were about stinkingly rich families that would do anything to get more. We, as a nation were doomed to gross consumerism and one-upping the Jones'.
In 2008, all of our over-indulging, overly wasteful, credit-card addicted ways became a problem. It was a depression not unlike the one our parents had survived complete with insane politics and an awful war that was expected to fix the problems. Our parents were gone, our gardens grew only grass that we paid someone to mow and someone else to fertilize and we watered incessantly because just like the previous depression where our area was called the dust bowl, we were in a drought. Some people lost jobs, but if we didn't lose them, our wages didn't go down, they just didn't go up. Our benefits became weaker, our portion to pay for them went up. Gas went up so everything that was trekked in went up. If we were buying a house, that stayed the same, or we refinanced and it went down, as interest was way down. But renters paid more and more for less and less, and getting a mortgage was now tougher than ever because no lenders wanted to risk default for less than 4% interest coming in.
But while we bought more economical cars, and got used to heating the house to 68 degrees F. and cooling it to 78 degrees F. and even started trying to eat better so we didn't have to buy a wardrobe a size bigger every year (eating better is only cheaper if you cook, cheap eating out is always fattening) ,we tried to keep that insane Christmas tradition.
I, for one, look forward to not feeling stressed out by the Holidays. I do like Christmas Cards, though, with a nice letter or maybe a photo. The perfect Christmas gift.
For the next few days I felt as if I had won the lottery or paid off my mortgage, then I realized it was just relief at not having to find a dozen gifts that would be not well liked and not worth much less than the ones given to me by their recipients. I wasn't going to have to increase my credit card debt, because the conversation among the parents of those 4 young children consisted of "I looked in his/her room and am going to have to clear out a bunch of toys to make room for this years Christmas gifts" They were talking among themselves about taking the money they usually spent and putting it toward a family vacation, (I'll stay home and watch the house/dogs/cats/plants, that is a movie I have lived, I t-shirt I already own) The oldest grandchild was insisting in no uncertain terms that she only wanted specific clothes items, no toys because she felt sad for the toys that didn't get enough attention.
Christmas is such a tradition, a tie to childhood, I wasn't sure whether to be elated or devastated so I decided to examine the memories. And yes, the "buy more every year" was started by my own parents, and continued throughout their lives and was taken up by my sister and I. By last year, it bore little resemblance to those mornings of my childhood when the tree seemed to be exploding with gifts. Old pictures confirm that what seemed alot, was 2 stockings and a bunch(probably 5) of cheap unwrapped toys from Santa and 1 big gift each. There was usually only 2 gifts for each of my parents, one to each other, one from the kids--jointly given. If more, it was homemade and not from an expensive kit. The extended family was even smaller, each child receiving 3 gifts--one from each nuclear family, and that was ended when one branch had a population explosion and changed from name drawing to just a meal, to an annual Christmas Card to those you still had an address for.
Last year, at the extended family event that my sister and I have continued since our children grew up and started their own, there was a ring extending out 6 feet from the edge of the tree and all the gifts were bagged up in in multiples to keep it simpler. I received 20 gifts. I spent way beyond my means, felt great concern that I didn't give enough, and that no one liked their gifts and that I would never pay off the credit debt before next year rolled around..
I did a little research and discovered that the huge Christmas gifts on Christmas morning was not very common. Rich Victorian children got some things, farm kids might get a box of crayons or a new homemade dress or doll. Poor kids hoped for a piece of candy and some fruit and nuts. By the depression, whatever had been passing as a tradition was decreased to a tree and homemade whatever.
So why did we think that way? When did we decide that we needed to have more of everything for Christmas for it to be a happy holiday?
At the arrival of the annual Sears Christmas catalog. The last one I saw was called the Wish Book---how magical is that.
When it arrived in the fall we would each spend time with it. We would make lists of toys and clothes and shoes and foods that would make our lives perfect and fill our hearts with joy. We would present our lists and be told to mark the top 2 or three, then spend more time with the catalog trying to decide what was the most important.
Amazingly, we never knew we needed most of the stuff on our lists until the catalog arrived.
By the 1980's, the number of utterly amazing Christmas catalogs was uncountable. So much stuff, so little time. As an adult I knew there was no one that could afford to give me most of it, but the memories of the avarice and acquisitiveness was fond. It was like the treasure-finding dream...and the 80's were by their nature avaricious and acquisitive; the profession of choice was entrepreneur, the shows were about stinkingly rich families that would do anything to get more. We, as a nation were doomed to gross consumerism and one-upping the Jones'.
In 2008, all of our over-indulging, overly wasteful, credit-card addicted ways became a problem. It was a depression not unlike the one our parents had survived complete with insane politics and an awful war that was expected to fix the problems. Our parents were gone, our gardens grew only grass that we paid someone to mow and someone else to fertilize and we watered incessantly because just like the previous depression where our area was called the dust bowl, we were in a drought. Some people lost jobs, but if we didn't lose them, our wages didn't go down, they just didn't go up. Our benefits became weaker, our portion to pay for them went up. Gas went up so everything that was trekked in went up. If we were buying a house, that stayed the same, or we refinanced and it went down, as interest was way down. But renters paid more and more for less and less, and getting a mortgage was now tougher than ever because no lenders wanted to risk default for less than 4% interest coming in.
But while we bought more economical cars, and got used to heating the house to 68 degrees F. and cooling it to 78 degrees F. and even started trying to eat better so we didn't have to buy a wardrobe a size bigger every year (eating better is only cheaper if you cook, cheap eating out is always fattening) ,we tried to keep that insane Christmas tradition.
I, for one, look forward to not feeling stressed out by the Holidays. I do like Christmas Cards, though, with a nice letter or maybe a photo. The perfect Christmas gift.
Friday, October 11, 2013
The State of Teeth.
Today is the beginning of 4 days off and it is all mine. I do not need to go anywhere or see anyone or even talk to anyone all day long. It's a gift.
The government has been (partially) shutdown for 10 days. I doubt any of the individuals that are currently furloughed are seeing this as a gift. I wish they could---they could enjoy every minute as much as I am planning to--but the one time I was out of work for ten days, I was not enjoying myself. I was afraid I would not be able to pay my bills, or feed my kids, or put gas in my car. I spent the time trying to find a new job, and I did, and I did have to get rid of some services that I enjoyed like cable TV and my cell phone at the time, and there were no meals eaten out or movies or new clothes.
The long term effects were more subtle. I have changed jobs much quicker since then, watching for signs of political unrest that can fall back on me and my lifestyle.
My coworkers find me distrustful, hyper-vigilant, paranoid. I notice when the ley lines change in the power structure, sometimes a thing as subtle as which empty chair is chosen by the one in charge. Sometimes more obvious--when a department head is back in the starter position and the second-in-commands incompetent but attractive friend is in the emptied position the next day. The later would not have happened 3 months before. Three months ago there was still much excuse-making about the previous 4 failed upper level positions that particular cutie had occupied. Something had changed.
In our government, the very popular (in our state) group that is currently holding the country hostage is not as popular. That is also a subtle change. The huge fans of the Tea Party, and there were many in this Red state in the buckle of the Bible Belt, have grown quiet. The previously quiet and frequently fearful members of the other party have become more vocal. Ignoring the ridiculousness of a state whose aim seems to be to maintain itself in the position of worst of 50 states in every possible measure of comparison, our State government continues to be vocally and adamantly crazy.
One of our State senators, (State, not Federal--its confusing even when looking at the ballot), the same one that placed a stone with the 10 commandments on the capital lawn, complete with typos, was quoted today blaming the national healthcare system in England for the renowned bad teeth of the British.
The picture displayed above the article he was so willingly interviewed for showed a man with what must surely be a toupe and some extremely denture-like teeth. If they are his teeth, they have had some serious work, veneers perhaps, and I can't imagine any insurance paid for that.
Oddly, I had always viewed the whole British teeth issue not as a healthcare issue, but as cultural issue, not so vain, not so worried about buying perfection and putting down anyone that didn't fix their imperfectly shaped and crooked teeth. I had never heard that the British were suffering from lack of dental hygiene or unrepaired decay.
In my state, on the other hand, one has only to walk through Walmart to see the many fine teeth of our residents. Methamphetamine has truly upped the number of scarey mouths in the last twenty years, now people as young as twenty smile and make those that witness that smile skip meals. Parents point to those mouths and use them to warn their children off taking drugs. Before meth, we had a lack of dental care, school children that recieved their first toothbrush in school when the school nurse handed them a brush and miniature tube of toothpaste as part of her dental hygiene class. When asked, those same students, newly gifted with a basic tool of cleanliness, would tell anyone listening that people over 20 lost their teeth, it was normal.
I think perhaps it might be a good response by the United Kingdom to send a research team to the middle of the US of A and take pictures and do interviews about the amazing dental care and fine teeth seen here. Because, yes, among those with a little money and a strong sense that only people with straight, white teeth will ever succeed, they will pay out the nose to put their precious babies in braces and then get them professionally whitened, but for the rest of the teeth of this fine state, we just make the British look confidant and sensible.
The government has been (partially) shutdown for 10 days. I doubt any of the individuals that are currently furloughed are seeing this as a gift. I wish they could---they could enjoy every minute as much as I am planning to--but the one time I was out of work for ten days, I was not enjoying myself. I was afraid I would not be able to pay my bills, or feed my kids, or put gas in my car. I spent the time trying to find a new job, and I did, and I did have to get rid of some services that I enjoyed like cable TV and my cell phone at the time, and there were no meals eaten out or movies or new clothes.
The long term effects were more subtle. I have changed jobs much quicker since then, watching for signs of political unrest that can fall back on me and my lifestyle.
My coworkers find me distrustful, hyper-vigilant, paranoid. I notice when the ley lines change in the power structure, sometimes a thing as subtle as which empty chair is chosen by the one in charge. Sometimes more obvious--when a department head is back in the starter position and the second-in-commands incompetent but attractive friend is in the emptied position the next day. The later would not have happened 3 months before. Three months ago there was still much excuse-making about the previous 4 failed upper level positions that particular cutie had occupied. Something had changed.
In our government, the very popular (in our state) group that is currently holding the country hostage is not as popular. That is also a subtle change. The huge fans of the Tea Party, and there were many in this Red state in the buckle of the Bible Belt, have grown quiet. The previously quiet and frequently fearful members of the other party have become more vocal. Ignoring the ridiculousness of a state whose aim seems to be to maintain itself in the position of worst of 50 states in every possible measure of comparison, our State government continues to be vocally and adamantly crazy.
One of our State senators, (State, not Federal--its confusing even when looking at the ballot), the same one that placed a stone with the 10 commandments on the capital lawn, complete with typos, was quoted today blaming the national healthcare system in England for the renowned bad teeth of the British.
The picture displayed above the article he was so willingly interviewed for showed a man with what must surely be a toupe and some extremely denture-like teeth. If they are his teeth, they have had some serious work, veneers perhaps, and I can't imagine any insurance paid for that.
Oddly, I had always viewed the whole British teeth issue not as a healthcare issue, but as cultural issue, not so vain, not so worried about buying perfection and putting down anyone that didn't fix their imperfectly shaped and crooked teeth. I had never heard that the British were suffering from lack of dental hygiene or unrepaired decay.
In my state, on the other hand, one has only to walk through Walmart to see the many fine teeth of our residents. Methamphetamine has truly upped the number of scarey mouths in the last twenty years, now people as young as twenty smile and make those that witness that smile skip meals. Parents point to those mouths and use them to warn their children off taking drugs. Before meth, we had a lack of dental care, school children that recieved their first toothbrush in school when the school nurse handed them a brush and miniature tube of toothpaste as part of her dental hygiene class. When asked, those same students, newly gifted with a basic tool of cleanliness, would tell anyone listening that people over 20 lost their teeth, it was normal.
I think perhaps it might be a good response by the United Kingdom to send a research team to the middle of the US of A and take pictures and do interviews about the amazing dental care and fine teeth seen here. Because, yes, among those with a little money and a strong sense that only people with straight, white teeth will ever succeed, they will pay out the nose to put their precious babies in braces and then get them professionally whitened, but for the rest of the teeth of this fine state, we just make the British look confidant and sensible.
Friday, October 4, 2013
A Day
I'm off today. The whole day stretches before me and I have yet to decide what to do with it. Will I watch all the new stories in stasis on my DVR awaiting my needs for entertainment? Shall I make soap? The last batch is a bit brittle so will need to be rebatched when it is less caustic. Shall I work on the redo of the oil painting I have at the weird place where it is all potential awaiting it chances at perfection vs. overdone? Shall I start a new painting? Shall I clean house, or the yard, or the garage?
But first I waste some time surfing the net. The news is glum. The government is shut-down and while I personally can't tell anything happened, I know that a family member is on a long-awaited vacation to see the Grand Canyon, The Petrified Forest, etc, etc, and they are closed.
Closing a thing as large as the Grand Canyon makes it seem like it must not be so big--perhaps less than Grand. I hope he gets to see it from the road at least. I haven't heard of roads being closed from this.
I could go on about the shut-down. The planned and executed shut-down intended to make the other side bend to our will (said with great, gothic trembling of voice and shadowy lighting--by both sides of the government, the coin, one coin...)
Instead I will focus on more important things like that delicious feeling of having a whole day stretched out ahead and no one putting anything into the planning but me. I can see out the window as I type and the light is coming through the trees, long bright stripes of green and yellow with narrow and muted gray-green shadows, the clouds move and the colors are all muted, mottled, they move again and the bright areas seem to glow with warmth. A leaf falls, pecans plink on the paving stones by the back door, a bright red surprise lily stands upright amid a bed of multicolored elephant ears. I can feel the silence. Perhaps I'll grab a book and spend the day on the balcony in a rocking chair. I can imagine the warm/cool wind in gentle gusts on my skin.
Or perhaps I'll go make soap and have better results, there is a sense of magick in soap-making; watching the cloudy lye mix with the sparkling topaz oils changing first to an almost orange milk then continuing on with one change after another until it is a creamy, liquid ivory. I do need to provide that batch to my sister for her friend.
If I hurry, perhaps I can do all those things. If not, its still a day ruled only by myself. Perhaps the people who have been shutdown are also having a day ruled only by themselves. Perhaps those people near Grand Canyon can still see it. Perhaps the parties hurting so many people to prove their points can see they have no point, no real point, no meaningful point. Ultimately all any of us want is a day ruled by ourselves to do the things that makes us happy, bring us a sense of accomplishment and capability....
and magick.
But first I waste some time surfing the net. The news is glum. The government is shut-down and while I personally can't tell anything happened, I know that a family member is on a long-awaited vacation to see the Grand Canyon, The Petrified Forest, etc, etc, and they are closed.
Closing a thing as large as the Grand Canyon makes it seem like it must not be so big--perhaps less than Grand. I hope he gets to see it from the road at least. I haven't heard of roads being closed from this.
I could go on about the shut-down. The planned and executed shut-down intended to make the other side bend to our will (said with great, gothic trembling of voice and shadowy lighting--by both sides of the government, the coin, one coin...)
Instead I will focus on more important things like that delicious feeling of having a whole day stretched out ahead and no one putting anything into the planning but me. I can see out the window as I type and the light is coming through the trees, long bright stripes of green and yellow with narrow and muted gray-green shadows, the clouds move and the colors are all muted, mottled, they move again and the bright areas seem to glow with warmth. A leaf falls, pecans plink on the paving stones by the back door, a bright red surprise lily stands upright amid a bed of multicolored elephant ears. I can feel the silence. Perhaps I'll grab a book and spend the day on the balcony in a rocking chair. I can imagine the warm/cool wind in gentle gusts on my skin.
Or perhaps I'll go make soap and have better results, there is a sense of magick in soap-making; watching the cloudy lye mix with the sparkling topaz oils changing first to an almost orange milk then continuing on with one change after another until it is a creamy, liquid ivory. I do need to provide that batch to my sister for her friend.
If I hurry, perhaps I can do all those things. If not, its still a day ruled only by myself. Perhaps the people who have been shutdown are also having a day ruled only by themselves. Perhaps those people near Grand Canyon can still see it. Perhaps the parties hurting so many people to prove their points can see they have no point, no real point, no meaningful point. Ultimately all any of us want is a day ruled by ourselves to do the things that makes us happy, bring us a sense of accomplishment and capability....
and magick.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
bobblehead.
"You are much more likely to get fired for being rude or disagreeable than for not doing the work you were paid to do." More than one person has said that to me recently.
Today, that is true, especially if you work directly with people with power. They don't need a lot of power, just enough to gripe to your boss that you are "not a team player" or "difficult" or a "poor communicator".
Ye,t how many of us have set in a meeting in which everyone discussed a problem, agreed to do research and bring back their ideas to fix the problem, only to return and have the first meeting, again, like the first had never occurred at all. This can happen repeatedly, with a year passing and no progress occurring and no one wanting to mention that for fear of being negative or worse.
A meeting with ten experienced people making top wages and lasting an hour wastes at the very least 300 and doesn't include supplies and prep-time, do that for a year and you have wasted over 10,000$ to not fix a problem which is still costing whatever it cost in the first place times a year of that cost.
The next time you go to a meeting, watch the bobbleheads,
Next meeting, its back to normal without the negative/nonteam player/square peg. The meeting runs smoothly, every one is a polite little bobblehead, and the meetings cost more than the original problem, which is still a part of the company's business-as-usual.
Today, that is true, especially if you work directly with people with power. They don't need a lot of power, just enough to gripe to your boss that you are "not a team player" or "difficult" or a "poor communicator".
Ye,t how many of us have set in a meeting in which everyone discussed a problem, agreed to do research and bring back their ideas to fix the problem, only to return and have the first meeting, again, like the first had never occurred at all. This can happen repeatedly, with a year passing and no progress occurring and no one wanting to mention that for fear of being negative or worse.
A meeting with ten experienced people making top wages and lasting an hour wastes at the very least 300 and doesn't include supplies and prep-time, do that for a year and you have wasted over 10,000$ to not fix a problem which is still costing whatever it cost in the first place times a year of that cost.
The next time you go to a meeting, watch the bobbleheads,
- someone identifies the problem and the nodding starts
- someone describes the already described solutions, and the nodding continues
- someone describes the possible ways to institute the solutions and the nodding continues
- someone points out that the group has done this at the last 4 meetings and the room stops, friends don't look at the speaker, enemies glare, all nodding ends.
Next meeting, its back to normal without the negative/nonteam player/square peg. The meeting runs smoothly, every one is a polite little bobblehead, and the meetings cost more than the original problem, which is still a part of the company's business-as-usual.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Be Still!
This is information for all those religious fanatics that are hating on everyone that doesn't share their beliefs.
GOD IS NOT DEAD
God did not quit communicating with us the minute your particular holy book was completed.
God did not have a favorite people.
God does not hate people that don't behave the way you think they should.
If you want to hear what God is saying to you--be still!
And don't expect words to pop into your mind. Words limit us. We have known for a long time that the language a person speaks and thinks in, will alter their thoughts/perceptions/beliefs about the world. People in places without snow have no words to describe it, people with lots of snow have a multitude of words describing it in great detail and specificity. People without words for time or numbers, or writing will not describe or value those things. God does not need words. People do because they have forgotten to listen, forgotten to be still.
If you think you have never heard God, then ask yourself if you have ever been outside, standing in the sun or the rain or the wind with no one else around, and rather than thinking in words about your day or your plans or your worries or what you should do next, you just experienced that moment. For a moment or two you were still. Maybe you just felt very peaceful, but maybe you had a moment of exhaltation or a strange awareness that you knew something that you didn't know before, but you have no words to tell anyone about it.
No Words!
And yet you knew something you didn't know before. No thoughts that you could wrap your mind around and share, but the feeling of spiritual growth, of new awareness was there.
Read your holy books, there is wisdom in them... all of them... and misconceptions, and hate, and ugliness, a lot like a good Stephen King novel or a superman comic (and I encourage people to continue to read those and other books as well).
But if you seek God, if you want to become a better person, a wiser person, then be still as often as possible...
And listen to God!
GOD IS NOT DEAD
God did not quit communicating with us the minute your particular holy book was completed.
God did not have a favorite people.
God does not hate people that don't behave the way you think they should.
If you want to hear what God is saying to you--be still!
And don't expect words to pop into your mind. Words limit us. We have known for a long time that the language a person speaks and thinks in, will alter their thoughts/perceptions/beliefs about the world. People in places without snow have no words to describe it, people with lots of snow have a multitude of words describing it in great detail and specificity. People without words for time or numbers, or writing will not describe or value those things. God does not need words. People do because they have forgotten to listen, forgotten to be still.
If you think you have never heard God, then ask yourself if you have ever been outside, standing in the sun or the rain or the wind with no one else around, and rather than thinking in words about your day or your plans or your worries or what you should do next, you just experienced that moment. For a moment or two you were still. Maybe you just felt very peaceful, but maybe you had a moment of exhaltation or a strange awareness that you knew something that you didn't know before, but you have no words to tell anyone about it.
No Words!
And yet you knew something you didn't know before. No thoughts that you could wrap your mind around and share, but the feeling of spiritual growth, of new awareness was there.
Read your holy books, there is wisdom in them... all of them... and misconceptions, and hate, and ugliness, a lot like a good Stephen King novel or a superman comic (and I encourage people to continue to read those and other books as well).
But if you seek God, if you want to become a better person, a wiser person, then be still as often as possible...
And listen to God!
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I have always been told I have too much imagination. I am not realistic. According to these people, we live in a democracy. Democra...
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It's Memorial Day. When I was a child, we would have gotten together and taken flowers to all the cemeteries we could drive to with rel...
