Ritual: a religious or solemn ceremony consisting of a series of actions performed according to a prescribed order. (Religious: 1. Having or showing belief in and reverence for God or a deity.
2. Of, concerned with, or teaching religion: a religious text.
3. Extremely scrupulous or conscientious: religious devotion to duty.)
I have met people with obsessive-compulsive disorder that can turn their morning ablutions (that's an archaic word not heard in my home state every day) into a religious (extremely scrupulous or conscientious and according to prescribed order) every day.
For most of us, Rituals are for those rare events that serve as milestones in our lives; birth and birthdays, graduation (how ever many times and steps that might be), marriage and anniversaries. Awards. Promotions. Paid off mortgages. And, of course, death. That last one is not going to end up in the memory of the person memorialized, but rather in the memories of those that loved them.
There are a multitude of sources of ritual. We have culture and religion. We have current fads and personal beliefs. We have those creative sorts that make up a ritual from thin air, fill it with purpose, symbolism, and beauty and Voila--a new ritual tradition is available to future humans.
But why?
WWWWHHHHYYYYY?????
We have huge moneyed industries dedicated to celebrating births and their subsequent birthdays, Weddings, Anniversaries, and Death.
There is pride and status in spending huge amounts of money, frequently borrowed money and bill money and college saving, on those celebrations. And so many choices are made based on competing with others in the family or community--is it as good as? Is it better? Did I wow them? Was it the "most beautiful wedding, quinceañera, Bat Mitzva, golden anniversary, christening... etc. etc.
"Most "is a word of comparison. A sign of competition. A sign of poor reasons for why a ritual is performed.
A ritual is not for winning. It is to mark an important day--a life event worth remembering.
And remembering is as important as making an event sacred through ritual.
If something big is happening in your life, birth big or marriage big or just goal-completion big. A ritual is a great way to set the memory. But chose your ritual carefully. If all you remember later is the $30,000 worth of credit card debt you now need to pay off, you may have lost sight of your purpose. Some rituals are rather cheap and steeped in tradition--like putting the brooms in the house through a window instead of a door when moving in, or using a unity candle or unity sand to make a new family from individuals not previously related. Sometimes the use of scent, like incense or flowers or tree boughs or even a food or drink can help to set a memory. Sometimes beautiful words can set the beauty of an event in stone in the mind.
But a beautiful couple that love each other, is beautiful in jeans and a t-shirt or a simple dress and best suit of clothes without the $1,000 + dress and expensive matching tuxes rented by the day. And truly, potluck food brought by loved ones--family, friends, made with love is tastier than the fanciest caterer. The Venue doesn't need to be lavish or exotic. The decorations do not need to be over-the-top. The ritual is not to create a winner but a wonderful, or beautiful, or tearfully loving memory(I really hate funerals--and fully intend to skip mine).
If you really must create credit card debt--I strongly recommend a hobby. I personally waste all my money on art supplies.
(This was written in honor of my daughter on her Wedding Day, and all the thought and worry that has gone into this very special ritual--It will be beautiful and memorable and I did not pay for it--she did. She is a very thrifty sort of woman. I recommended they dress up in rented gown and tux, get some pictures of an event that didn't occur, and elope. My favorite rituals involve incense and meditation.)
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