I am having issues at work. Our department is small. We are all opinionated and know everything. We have silo's because we don't want to share credit and recognition. We have dirty looks that speak of death rays and malicious intent when someone disagrees with an opinion. Its like a large but dysfunctional marriage.
Why do people need to be right. Not just "I don't want to speak until I have a good idea of what I'm talking about" not "all the science says this is true" but "I think this, therefore I'm right and I'm going to argue about it until I win or hell freezes over, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead--I'm right, your wrong and need to admit it or else" That kind of always right.
Work loves to talk about teamwork, "we are all on the same team" "we are in this together" "we are on the same side" We are all working toward the same goal." But for some, maybe for a lot, we have to win. We need the recognition. We need the reward, even if it is only the reward of saying "I told you so"
These are competitive times. We were raised to compete. We were raised on "survival of the fittest" and "there can only be one". We were raised in a time when rich, successful, famous people are winners and everyone else is just a contender, or worse, a loser. Ask someone that likes to win, why it is important and they will look at you like you are crazy. Our current culture is immersed in it.
A competitive world is dependent on a winner and a loser, or even a bunch of losers. But there is always only one winner. We don't just leave that for sports or games, but for everything. If you are on the fortune 400, its important to be the most 400ish. If you are the meanest, the saddest, the biggest, the fastest, we have a whole book that is continually updated to show that we love the "ist" winners. There is no book for those that aren't the "ist"
And on a day to day basis, in the world of ordinary, everyday people, the ongoing, never-ending competition is all about being right. I have seen people change from voting for a good candidate to voting for a scary candidate when it came down to vote day, because they wanted to win, they wanted to be right. I guess when it comes to opinion, majority just might rule.
But what is the prize for being right? A feeling of self-importance? Confirmation of personal superiority of mind? If we are talking facts, you know if you are right, and you have nothing to prove--science/observation/has already made the point. If you are talking opinion, yelling the loudest, being the rudest, making the most disparaging remarks about the other persons equally unfactual opinion only proves that you are more concerned with being right than getting along.
Not everything is worth arguing about. In fact, if a thing is arguable, it implies there is no one answer. If a question can be answered with a fact--I'm not talking about an internet search for individuals that agree with you, I'm talking a body of good scientific research, then there is nothing to argue about. Either you hand the person the research, accepting that some people are not swayed by fact and prefer their own personal fictions, or, if the fact is not really going to change anything, you can just leave it alone.
The person that always has to be right, always has to win, always has to have the last word---they lost. Perhaps not the argument, but they lost. Most of us just avoid the company of constantly argumentative, always right winners.
One thing that disappeared from the vocabulary of people born after 1950 is humility. It now is only used in the form of humiliating, and seems to mean being embarrassed. Being humble is seen as a sign of weakness. We had a lot of wise and wonderful leaders that knew the meaning of being humble, and using humility and while they will never get their own reality TV show, some of them are still around and still trying to improve the world through cooperation and altruism and good works.
Read the quotes below that are about humility and being humble. The best winning is when we all win. Dichotomy is the actual root of all evil.
“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”
“On the highest throne in the world, we still sit only on our own bottom.”
― Michel de Montaigne, The Complete Essays
“It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
“These are the few ways we can practice humility:
To speak as little as possible of one's self.
To mind one's own business.
Not to want to manage other people's affairs.
To avoid curiosity.
To accept contradictions and correction cheerfully.
To pass over the mistakes of others.
To accept insults and injuries.
To accept being slighted, forgotten and disliked.
To be kind and gentle even under provocation.
Never to stand on one's dignity.
To choose always the hardest.”
― Mother Teresa, The Joy in Loving: A Guide to Daily Living
“A great man is always willing to be little.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
― Winston S. Churchill
“Who is more humble? The scientist who looks at the universe with an open mind and accepts whatever the universe has to teach us, or somebody who says everything in this book must be considered the literal truth and never mind the fallibility of all the human beings involved?”
― Carl Sagan
“The biggest challenge after success is shutting up about it.”
― Criss Jami
“If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, "He was ignorant of my other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone.”
― Epictetus
“It is not for me to judge another man's life. I must judge, I must choose, I must spurn, purely for myself. For myself, alone.”
― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha
“A true genius admits that he/she knows nothing.”
― Albert Einstein
“It's okay to disagree with the thoughts or opinions expressed by other people. That doesn't give you the right to deny any sense they might make. Nor does it give you a right to accuse someone of poorly expressing their beliefs just because you don't like what they are saying. Learn to recognize good writing when you read it, even if it means overcoming your pride and opening your mind beyond what is comfortable.”
― Ashly Lorenzan
“I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize. The first is gentleness; the second is frugality; the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others. Be gentle and you can be bold; be frugal and you can be liberal; avoid putting yourself before others and you can become a leader among men.”
― Lao Tzu
“Stay hungry, stay young, stay foolish, stay curious, and above
all, stay humble because just when you think you got all the answers, is
the moment when some bitter twist of fate in the universe will remind
you that you very much don't.”
― Tom Hiddleston
“Life is a long lesson in humility.”
― Tom Hiddleston
― J.M. Barrie, The Little Minister
“Every person that you meet knows something you don't; learn from them.”
― H. Jackson Brown Jr.
To learn which questions are unanswerable, and not to answer them: this skill is most needful in times of stress and darkness.”
― Ursula K. Le Guin, The Left Hand of Darkness
“There are two circumstances that lead to arrogance: one is when you're wrong and you can't face it; the other is when you're right and nobody else can face it.”
― Criss Jami, Diotima, Battery, Electric Personality
If you read these, and some of them seem false/wrong/offensive, don't contact me, just ask yourself why?
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