ro·man·tic
adjective \rō-ˈman-tik, rə-\
: of, relating to, or involving love between two people
: making someone think of love : suitable for romance
: thinking about love and doing and saying things to show that you love someone.
But what about love? Surely there is more to a relationship than romance. Most people realize rather quickly that life is a lot of things. Yet I hear, "he isn't romantic enough" "she doesn't treat me like she used to" "the zing is gone"
Good grief. Turn off the porn and chick flicks and grow up. People are not there to help you live your fantasies. If you both want to share some fantasy time--ask for it, and be ready for the other person to say no. These days people want to compete with their spouse, use their spouse for chores, rely on their spouse for money, not have to be alone, always have a date for weddings and funerals, etc, etc, etc.
Who ever treats their spouse with the same respect they want to be treated with; who talks to them like they value their opinion; uses them as a sounding board because they know they will be honest; shares their hopes, fears, hateful thoughts about others or themselves without fear of their words being thrown back in their face. Who treats their partner like family?
If you want to be romantic---lay down the phone, listen to them when they tell you a story, and tell a story back and see if they listen. And if either of you decide to debate, dissect, judge or minimize any part of the other's story. You have a problem. If you can't show your partner the love and respect of hearing them, just hearing them, then there is no hope for a future of happiness (plus your kids are in for a bad time and other people probably are glad when you leave early) A romantic relationship must be safe. And both people, if they are competitive, must be on the same team.
So the next time you want to gripe about the lack of romance, ask yourself these three questions?
But what about love? Surely there is more to a relationship than romance. Most people realize rather quickly that life is a lot of things. Yet I hear, "he isn't romantic enough" "she doesn't treat me like she used to" "the zing is gone"
Good grief. Turn off the porn and chick flicks and grow up. People are not there to help you live your fantasies. If you both want to share some fantasy time--ask for it, and be ready for the other person to say no. These days people want to compete with their spouse, use their spouse for chores, rely on their spouse for money, not have to be alone, always have a date for weddings and funerals, etc, etc, etc.
Who ever treats their spouse with the same respect they want to be treated with; who talks to them like they value their opinion; uses them as a sounding board because they know they will be honest; shares their hopes, fears, hateful thoughts about others or themselves without fear of their words being thrown back in their face. Who treats their partner like family?
If you want to be romantic---lay down the phone, listen to them when they tell you a story, and tell a story back and see if they listen. And if either of you decide to debate, dissect, judge or minimize any part of the other's story. You have a problem. If you can't show your partner the love and respect of hearing them, just hearing them, then there is no hope for a future of happiness (plus your kids are in for a bad time and other people probably are glad when you leave early) A romantic relationship must be safe. And both people, if they are competitive, must be on the same team.
So the next time you want to gripe about the lack of romance, ask yourself these three questions?
- Am I really talking about sex?
- Do I trust my partner enough to be relaxed and open with them and visa versa?
- Do I listen like a friend?
I don't know if that can be fixed, but fantasy is only in your head. If you want a fantasy partner, you don't really want another person in your life. You just need your imagination.
Grow up!
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