Next Time.

Next time I'm going to be an artist.  something visual in 2D or 3D, but that is it.

It does require reincarnation, with which I have no problem, but I do have a problem with regrets.  And I regret that every time a decision came up, it put the possibility of focusing on what I wanted to do most--make beautiful or moving or amazing or bizarre things that when other people looked at them they had to think a little different, look a little harder, wonder, it took that choice out of the decision..

I have spent a lifetime trying to learn to paint, trying, just trying.  I currently get the opportunity about 8 hours every 3 weeks.  That is the most time I have ever had for it, and I have wanted it since I was ten.
But I always had the benefit of other people's regrets.  My parents who did not prepare for well-paid and in-demand jobs;  the family friend that was an art teacher--and hated it because he spent most of this time preparing for the social studies classes he had to teach so that he could also teach art---to a bunch of kids that thought art class was "an easy A" or "free time", my grandmother(who wanted to be a nurse, but trained as a teacher, then got married before ever getting to work) who recommended a solid education in nursing or education (I now have both) which are appropriate for good women, and a school system that not only didn't recommend that I take art, they didn't offer art unless you were in the 2nd grade class that the only art teacher in the system, taught.  (I was in the other teacher's 2nd grade).

I am trying to avoid regrets.  I've had a decent life.  And I my free time is spent on what I want, but I don't have much free time.  Perhaps because when a person reaches a certain age, all that you can interrupt is their hobbies.  Hobbies aren't important.  They are time fillers.  Something for lonely, old people to fill up their time.  But I really would like the time to practice, experiment, maybe take a class or two.  Instead, I work 40+ hours a week, and babysit, and help with other people's current projects around their houses.  Other people are family.  I do love my family.  But family is family whether or not they know you, know what you want, what you believe, how you think. In other words, family is not necessarily a friend and definitely only an intimate friend if their version of talking also involves listening.

Has anyone else noticed that listening is not important anymore.  People that love to talk about themselves, their lives, their complaints, their problems, how stressed they are, how busy they are---well those people can talk about those things for hours without interruption.  WITHOUT INTERRUPTION!  The fact that they can stop interruptions is a sign that it is not a conversation, they are using the listener. 

They need to quit being selfish and get a journal.....

Or a blog.

Well, off to a family birthday party.  Maybe I can paint a while when I get home.