nobody's wingman

The real definition of a wingman is a pilot whose aircraft is positioned behind and outside the leading aircraft in a formation.  I knew this definition from old war movies.  The hero was never the wingman.

 Modern definition of a Wingman (this was borrowed from http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Wingman  because it is great  )

A Wingman is a guy you bring along with you on singles
outings (like to bars) that helps you out with the women.

Typically in these ways :
• The Wingman will always be there to “occupy” least
attractive girl of the pair so that you may engage in the “hotty”
• Often, when an attractive girl is out with an ugly friend, she often feels restricted to not leave that ugly friend alone, thus making the hot girl, un-touchable.
• When the wingman technique is used, both girls are
approached by the men, and the Wingman automatically
engages in conversation with the ugly girl.
• Now that the hot friend sees that the ugly girl has finally found a man, she is now free to start scouting.
• This is where you come in “unexpectidly” and “accidentaly”, and begin catching up on “old times” with the Wingman.
• The Wingman then offers the ugly girl to dance, (which
rarely happens to her) so she wont be able to resist.

The wingman in this definition is also never the hero.

(this concept is repulsive on soooo mannnny levels)

I have noticed that many people allow themselves to be permanently cast in the wingman role.  Empty nester's, political wives, maybe all wives, single parents without partners, grandparents, roommates, you know---the beta wolves in the many relationships that make up our lives.

There is nothing wrong with being a beta, or being a caregiver, or being anything in a relationship unless we loose our selves without the role telling us who we are.

We all need to be---really be--without some other being telling us who we are.

If you have seen a widow that can't redefine herself except as a wife, a mother whose child is killed or merely grows up to be a successful and independent person, a divorcee that immediately starts hunting for a replacement spouse, a grandparent that has traded parenting for grandparenting with equal zeal, or worse the person that suddenly need pills and alcohol to fill the void.

They feel like they have lost someone.

They have.

They have lost themselves.

None of us are here just to be someone else's wingman.  We are all the hero's of our own stories, even if we make the story dark or tragic or pathetically shallow and superficial.

I am making my story, you are making your story.  And while you might have relationships, in fact you will have relationships---we are all in some sort of relationship with everyone else that crosses the path that is our life, we are not JUST the relationship.  We are not defined by our relationships, no matter how much we love--or hate, no matter how much we give--or take.  We define ourselves.

No one should think of themselves as just the wingman for someone else's success in life.

Live your whole life.
Be your whole self.
There are endless adventures for us all, at all ages.
Enjoy.