Beautiful!?

I am highly influenced by beauty.  It is not necessarily the standard definition of beauty, but I can see or hear or smell or taste beauty and for a little time, I am in a better place.  It is transcendent.  It is miraculous.  And it is everywhere if you have the sense--or senses--to recognize it.

I have noticed that if you say the word beautiful, the assumption is you are talking about a woman or a work of art, and both have to look a certain way.  But every person in love knows that there is beauty in the eyes of their true love.  Every mother knows that beauty is the food-encrusted mouth of their laughing toddler.  And artists--real artists of any medium-know that there is beauty everywhere.  

I like light and shadow, brilliant color, subtle textures, and the way reflections change color and alter the shapes of the things around them.  I can watch grass in the sunlight when a cloud is passing over and be enthralled.  But I also love the sound of chimes, or of 1940's war tunes, when everyone was in love and life was all heros and chivalry.  I have seen cakes decorated so beautifully that cutting them seemed a shame, and tasted muffins so complex in flavor that only my taste buds were aware.  And smells?  It is hard to find a perfume I love, I recently did, and it was too high, and I bought it anyway, because everytime I smelled it, it made me smile.  But other smells, the drifting smell of peony and honeysuckle while walking to the car in the morning, the smell of wood smoke under a full moon in the fall, that funny smell the air gets just after a warm spring rain---time goes, every memory of every time I have smelled that lives in the same moment and all my past crowds in.  Beautiful.

So I have taken to spending most of my time without makeup--not because I think make-up is evil, but because for my whole post-pubescent life, the goal was to look as much like society's version of beautiful as possible.  It was a mask.  I hid behind it.  It covered a million imperfections, and allowed me to interact in a more confidant manner.  Why would I avoid that now?  

Because--why did how I looked have anything to do with anything.  It didn't change my opinions, didn't make me smarter or more creative or more anything.  But I felt I had something to hide.  Not being beautiful to a woman is quite shaming.  I have interacted with women my whole life, and there is a language of beauty.  All the comments about photos mention beauty, or if they are being mean, they mention the beauty of the dress or shirt or make-up or hairstyle.  Women's compliments are about looks, and if they are not about the physical beauty of the woman, then they are sidewise insults---"well, but she is very sweet, she is in good physical condition, so smart with numbers, has good childbearing hips...."  in other words, no beauty, but could be worse.  She is some deficient man's consolation prize.  

And there is the problem, the root of the problem, the issue that causes women to view themselves so narrowly---women are for men.  A woman without a man is a loser.  Women compare their men and decide how valuable they are.  They compete---the winner get the rich, powerful man, the loser (I know what you are thinking--gets the weak/poor man--but no, the loser is alone, and is either strong and powerful on her own --but still the loser, or is weak, helpless, and spends a lifetime searching for a man to complete her.  There is nothing sadder than talking to a 50 year old woman that spends massive amounts of time at the gym and spa and salon, always looks perfect, and can only sigh and wonder when she will meet Mr Right.  

I have met mother's that encourage this mentality, that are so focused on getting their daughters whatever is needed to be perfectly beautiful--hair colored to honey blonde, a dermatologist at 11, a plastic surgeon, orthodontist, personal trainer,,,,,,,because, what could be more important.

How can we be so lost when it comes to half our species?  I have met girls and women that amaze me with their insights, their strength, their creativity, their intelligence, and yet when you ask them about their physical appearance, they are obviously mortified---not because of some great physical defect, but because no matter what they do, they will never look like a model, and therefore are inferior.

The challenge is not to find more ways to tell these people they are smart/creative/strong/talented, the challenge is to find a way to make us all more accepting of the great variety that is all beautiful.  A rose is not the only beautiful flower, perfume is not the only beautiful scent, Monet did not paint the only beautiful paintings, so why does female beauty have to be so very narrow.  And why make it a value for a person at all.  Is not a person valuable just because they are alive?  Just because they exist?  Isn't life--all life--beautiful?